Mama's Cup of Ambition

Momversation with Katie Lynn Part One

• Rachel Mae | Katie Lynn • Season 2 • Episode 65

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Ever wonder why motherhood can feel like an uphill battle, or how being a stay-at-home mom impacts your mental health? Ever grappled with body image issues, or the pressures of societal judgment? Well buckle up for this intimate momversation with Katie Lynn, a stay-at-home mom of three, who gives us an unfiltered look into her life.

In part one of this momversation we delve into Katie's dreams of financial freedom, her fight for self-love, and her mission to raise unapologetically confident kids in a world that often tries to stifle their shine. We hear about her harrowing experiences with childbirth and Katie opens up about her struggles with ADHD. In other words, we're going deep!

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Next Week on Mama's Cup of Ambition...
Stay tuned for part two of this momversation with Katie Lynn. 

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May your dreams be ambitious and may your coffee be strong! xoxo -Rachel Mae

Rachel Mae:

Hey, I just wanted to hop on here real quick before the episode gets started to say that, as you probably guessed from the show title, this conversation is going to be a two-parter. Once Katie and I got talking, it turned out we had quite a bit to say to each other and we kind of went down the rabbit hole on a few of these questions, and so I decided to break this episode up into two parts. So this week I'm releasing part one and next week I'll release the continuation of our conversation in part two. Okay, let's get to the episode.

Rachel Mae:

Hello, hello and welcome to Mamas Cup of Ambition, the show for ambitious mamas with big dreams and little kids. I'm your host, Rachel Mae, country singer-songwriter and mama of two, and I'm so excited to be here presenting another installment of the momversation series. I created this series as a way to have fun and honest conversations with mamas at every stage of their dream chasing journey, and through a series of questions curated specifically for these mom-versations, we'll get acquainted with the mamas in this community. We'll chat about everything from their biggest ambitions to their favorite tv shows and everything in between. My intention is to create a space for inspiration, connection and solidarity for us mamas navigating the wild world of motherhood and dream chasing. Wherever you are in your journey, this series is for you, so grab yourself a cup of coffee or your favorite beverage of choice and let's have a momversation. I am so excited that you're here. I have seriously been waiting for this moment since we started DMing about our non-pinterest-worthy houses and our countertops from the 80s and 90s.

Katie Lynn:

Yes, my pink countertop. That's what started it all pink countertops.

Rachel Mae:

From that moment on, I was like this is somebody that I need in my circle I need her in my life. I need more of this energy, so I am so psyched that you're here. Please introduce yourself and tell us a little bit about who you are, your family, where you're at all that good stuff.

Katie Lynn:

Well, I'm Katie. I am almost 35, and I have three kids. My daughter is seven, my one son is five and then the baby he is just turned one. So we're on Long Island. I apologize now for the way I say certain words because you'll hear it I'm a stay-at-home mom. That's pretty much it. We're just moving and grooving and we take it as it comes. I have ADHD, which is great. As a parent, I'm pretty simple. I get up, I have my coffee and I do what I need to do, and I don't always have my stuff together, but I still manage to get it done.

Rachel Mae:

Oh, it's so great. We're going to jump into our questions now. The first one is a big juicy loaded question. What is it that you're dreaming?

Katie Lynn:

of Financial freedom. We live on Long Island. It is expensive. Right now we're in a position where I am fortunate enough to stay home and it just takes a lot of juggling, though my other big dream is just true self-love.

Katie Lynn:

After that third baby, my body did not go back to normal like well, normal, my normal, like it did for the other two. With my third baby it came after two losses. One was a second trimester loss and when my pregnancy with Stephen was just really difficult and I was high risk and he came six weeks early and my body did not go back to what it had been prior to getting pregnant. So like that 30 pounds I gained I didn't lose immediately, like I lost it with my first two, and then I actually ended up gaining another 15 pounds trying to nurse him with I have IGT, which is like I'm going to always have a low supply no matter what I do. And I gained another 15 pounds trying to get that milk because he was a creamy, like I really wanted him to have those antibodies and everything I could give him, and I haven't lost a pound. Like I literally go up and down the same three pounds. So like I'm definitely struggling with my body image.

Katie Lynn:

So like I really just want to get back to that true self-love that like I used to have, especially for like my kids, because I want them to see. I don't want them to have the disordered eating and the poor self, like the poor body image that I had growing up. And then the other thing is like I just want to have unapologetically confident and happy kids. Yeah, that's it. Like my kids. My kids are so unapologetically themselves and I just want them to keep that forever. I want them to have that. This is me, this is who I am, take it or leave it, love me, hate me, I don't care attitude. I want them to keep that all their life and that's like that is my biggest dream. It's like I just want to have them be unapologetically happy.

Rachel Mae:

That's so magical. I love all three of those so much because that's what I want for my kids too. I just you watch them at this age and you just think like, oh, like, yeah, don't apologize for who you are, like keep being this version of yourself. And sometimes, like I think about that, about myself too, like sometimes, when I think back to myself as a kid, and especially now having my own children, I think of myself as a child and I think like, oh, you were like so free spirited and just in your body in the world, not worried about what everybody was thinking. Like there came a point where I cared what people were thinking.

Katie Lynn:

And for me it was like at my daughter's age.

Katie Lynn:

It was at my daughter's age and like that just scares me so much for her, because I remembered that just being such a hard time being seven and having all of these fears about like, oh, who's going to be my friend, who's going to play with me at the playground and stuff, and like still come home sometimes and tell me what happens in first grade and man, that girl spills the tea.

Katie Lynn:

Okay, there is some first grade drama that I'm just like are we like on Real Housewives of first grade here, what is happening? I watched that show, right. So I was like I'm like, I'm like you know what, kiddo, if you don't like something, you can say you know what, thank you, but no, thank you, and you don't have to accept it. You don't have to accept it Because I feel like I was always just told, well, like this is the way it is and take it or leave it, get over it, this is what you're dealt and just deal with it. And I don't want my kids to have that. I want them to just walk away if they need to walk away.

Rachel Mae:

Okay, so the next question is tell us a moment that you felt proud of yourself.

Katie Lynn:

It would probably be when I became confident about my C-sections and my breastfeeding journey with just owning it. Yeah, like I always when I was first pregnant, I knew it was going to be either I'm going to go to 42 weeks and my water's just going to break and I'm going to deliver vaginally, or you're cutting this baby out. There was no, I'm going to be induced, none of that. That just was not something I ever wanted to do for myself. Yeah, because I did not want to have to put myself in a position where I knew I was going to have to labor but it could still end up in a C-section. And I know that could happen when you go into labor on your own and everything. But at least then, like I didn't force it, right, and you know, of course, it's like you know what it's like when the universe, when you make plans, the universe laughs or whatever.

Katie Lynn:

Yeah, you know I ended up with preeclampsia with all three of my pregnancies. So my daughter was born at 38 weeks and one day from an emergency C-section and there was a lot of shame in it. There was a lot of shame from society and all of that, and it took a toll on me. And then it turns out that I could not produce milk. So I'm like trying to nurse her, trying to nurse her, she's just falling asleep at the boobs. Whatever, I'm thinking I'm doing great. She kept losing weight. So we ended up in the hospital with her at two weeks old.

Katie Lynn:

And then this wonderful heaven sent magical nurse who was also lactation consultant came in and she was like feeling me up, feeling the girls, feeling them, touching them, watching me nurse and everything, and she's like I think you have IGT. And she just went down this checklist with me and I hit like 80% of it and she's like this isn't your fault, yeah, and it still just took a lot out of me because, like there were people who were like, well, don't use a nipple shield because your baby's never going to bond with you if you're going to bond with the plastic. And when you're a new mom, I knew just under traumatic birth especially, and you are now faced with this breastfeeding is not always natural. It does not always come naturally, because I always figured you always hear like, oh, the baby didn't latch, so I just pumped. So like that was in my head. But then when I was pumping I was getting like an ounce and I'm like I don't think that's enough and then I was getting like half an ounce. I was pumping maybe three ounces total a day. And then when I went to formula, just full formula and just nursing, like I would nurse with her to get that bonding and everything and give her whatever I could, and she was getting mostly formula. She then started, you know, thriving and gaining weight and waking up when she was supposed to be awake, and people really had a lot to say about it and it really hits you hard and it takes a toll on you.

Katie Lynn:

And then my second C-section. Again, I was totally prepared to do a V-Back and my doctor was supportive of it. Yeah, again, universe was like no, at 37 weeks I went in and my blood pressure was through the roof. So they were like all right, listen, if you go to the hospital and you're like, if faced and dilated at all, we can do a gentle induction where we go in slowly, no pitosis, no, nothing. You just see if your body is ready to go and if not, we'll give you like 24 hours and if not, then we'll go into the C-section. Okay, great, yeah, no, it was like four knocks. So I was just like fine, c-section, let's go. And I kind of like owned that one because I made the decision where it was like okay, you know what? You gave me these options. No, just give me the C-section, that's fine. And with Steven, my last baby, I ended up hospitalized at 30 weeks and they wanted to keep me in the hospital for four weeks until they delivered at 34 weeks because my blood pressure was so high.

Katie Lynn:

But I had no, because they were like you have severe pre-eclampsia but none of my other blood work was showing like any of these dangerous things that could happen with pre-eclampsia, which I know sounds careless and everything. But like I'm a stay-at-home mom, my husband has to work. He's the only income.

Rachel Mae:

That's a long time to be held up in the hospital.

Katie Lynn:

And I couldn't see my kids because they weren't allowing kids.

Rachel Mae:

Let's be real too. Like our society is not set up to support mommas in that position, Not at all. Like there's not structure to support that.

Katie Lynn:

So no, because what was my husband supposed to do and be like? I need for at least six weeks off because my wife is going to deliver a baby in four weeks and then I'm going to need to have care for her for another two weeks because I'm going to have a C-section. So it's like they're not going to give him all that time paid and he works for a great company, don't get me wrong. They were really amazing with everything. But, like, this country is not set up to support families, especially in a medical situation, so I signed myself out. I am a. My regular OB kind of gave me the blessing. He was like listen, I would be okay with you going home and having you come in twice a week for monitoring until you deliver, but I can't override the MFM, the high risk doctors, so I signed myself out. I am a after I lost my on this male doctor Okay.

Katie Lynn:

Oh for shit on this male doctor who has never he has never seen me before and all he wants it to do is like medically fat, shame me and everything like that. Because it was like, well, you know, your weight is a factor in this. And I'm like no dude, I know that preeclampsia is because of the placenta. Like I know this, yeah, like this is not my first rodeo. You cannot shame me into this, I know this is nothing I did. My mom had preeclampsia. It is genetic and I know that once you have it, your chances increase each time.

Katie Lynn:

It was not going to be any shock to me that I had preeclampsia this third time, so I signed myself out. I am a. I went to my doctor, my regular OB, twice a week for the next Four weeks and every time I was like can we get to 36 weeks? Can we get to 36 weeks with this baby? And he was like we'll see, we'll see. And like the week of like 34 weeks, he was like, no, he's like you're going in this week. He's like you're going to have to pick Friday or Monday for your C-section.

Katie Lynn:

I was like, okay, I wanted the Monday for like 4, 4, 22, because, like I'm a numbers person like four and four, and then the 22 is like 24. Okay, and then my husband was like no, april Fool's Day, that's a great day to be born. And he won. So I just really like what should have been my most traumatic birth ended up being my best C-section. They yeeted the tubes, they're gone. Shop is closed. I don't have to worry about it anymore, and it was just such a great experience for everything that could have gone wrong.

Katie Lynn:

You know an early birth. You know the baby. He was only on his CPAP for a couple of hours and he was thriving. My doctors really took care of me with everything and I even had to go back under back into the OR because I felt so good after my C-section even though I couldn't move my legs or feel anything below me, I felt so good.

Katie Lynn:

I kept like shifting in the bed, I popped the sutures and I was bleeding out. So they gave me one of my, they gave me the blood pressure medication and I was like who I'm? Like maybe I'm like can you check my blood pressure? And then I just passed out and that was it. And then the nurse like looked and she's like, ah, okay, they called one of the OB's and they brought me back in and they fixed me back up and then I was fine. But like that was my best C-section, which sounds traumatic, I know, but when you have two other traumatic experiences, this one it was a scheduled early C-section. We were talking about the Will Smith, chris Rock slap like literally like because that happened like earlier that week. That is what we were talking about, while my doctors are like elbow deep in my uterus.

Rachel Mae:

So it's like yeah, it's just, there's a different energy there.

Katie Lynn:

Exactly, and I was lucid because I don't remember my other two. Really I was lucid with this one. I'm so happy that my third and final C-section was an enjoyable experience, yeah.

Rachel Mae:

I love that there is something to be said for feeling like you are an active participant in the birth of your child and that sounds like well, obviously you're an active participant. But that's not always how it goes down, it's not so if you have that contrast and you realize the extremes, that it really is something to value and appreciate. So I'm so happy that you had that experience too.

Katie Lynn:

The only thing I didn't get with him was like I didn't get the pictures you know, like we had with my first two, but again he was a preemie. He had to go right up to the NICU where they took amazing care of him and I got to see him 24 hours later and he was like this little perfect. He looked like a baby Bruce Willis. And I still call him Bruce Willis to this day because there are times where, like I look at him like that's baby Bruce Willis and that's one of those things where I'm so proud of, where, like I took back, I reclaimed it, I said you know what, I'm not going to let this define my births where now it's like I can confidently say I am a three time CD section mom. Like that's probably where I'm most proud in recent years.

Rachel Mae:

I love it. That's something to be proud of. I'm proud of you, thank you. Not that you need me to be proud of you, but I'm proud of you for taking back that narrative for yourself. Okay, so tell us what's your biggest challenge right now?

Katie Lynn:

I have a couple my ADHD, which kind of like branches off into two main things where it's like my weight and the finances. Because my weight, with ADHD particularly ADHD and women a lot of times you end up with disordered eating which I had read the history of and maybe had I gotten diagnosed when I was a kid for ADHD we wouldn't be at this stage. But I do have binge eating disorder so I do suffer with that. So that also goes into the ADHD where it's like if I can get that managed, hopefully this will stop. But you definitely have to play around with meds. And then the other thing is again the finances, where I am dopamine searching and I am serotonin searching and adding to cart, just cruising those aisles of target. Oh man, that just does something, tickles my brain in all the right spaces.

Katie Lynn:

So that's probably like my inner struggles right now, but like the biggest challenge right now is my seven year old. She's got a lot of emotions. She's got a lot of big emotions and something that no one tells you about. No one's prepared me for this and a girlfriend of mine sent me this like article about it where it was like is your six, seven, eight year old like completely moody and basically possessed and I was like yes, like literally yes, and it's apparently something cold like Andronarchy, where it's basically I don't know if I'm saying that right but it's basically like the beginning process, like the beginning of the process of puberty. So it's like it's not like pre-pubescent, but it's like that hormone shift. So it's not anything really physical, but it's them managing their emotions.

Katie Lynn:

And the other day, like I asked, I said to her I'm like okay, honey, like after dance class, you and Bubba you're gonna it's gonna play outside, get some fresh air, because it's been beautiful here the last couple days. I was like you'll get, you know, after dance class she'll play outside. And she just lost it. She was hysterically crying, screaming at me. I don't want to play outside, I hate playing outside, I don't want to. And that triggers me, where I just want to like lose my, my shit and be like are you kidding me? And like I want to scream at her, like I'm really trying to break that generational trauma, so like it's so hard though the sensory pieces are so hard?

Rachel Mae:

Nobody warned me about that.

Katie Lynn:

No, nobody warned me about this and it's like I did not realize how much of what triggers me is like from my own trauma. Thank you therapy, like shout outs to Tokaya Tree for giving me my therapist. But like this whole challenge with my seven year old like obviously like 2020 happened, like there was. She's already got her own trauma to deal with and she's already had more trauma than a normal like seven year old really deal with. And then now you're going through these like literal hormone changes and you don't know what's going on. So, like that kind of just opened up a whole new segment for me. Like like literally, my girlfriend just sent this to me on Saturday after this big meltdown that my daughter had about playing outside and like, let me tell you, after she calmed down and everything, we did not go to dance class because she refused to get in the car and I told her take an hour in your bedroom color whatever read, I don't care, just you calm down and I'm a calm down, yeah, okay. And then she played outside for like seven hours. I literally had to call her in from outside for like four or five times. I'm like you have to get in the shower. And then I said to her I'm like, don't you feel better now? And she's like, yeah, I do. Like like why? So she is my biggest challenge and I also think part of it is because I see so much of myself in her. You know, I was an only child. She's the oldest of three and she's a girl. So it's just I just feel like I really have to manage myself better to help her get through whatever she's got to get through. So that's definitely where Ms Rachel does help.

Katie Lynn:

I will say that there are definitely things Ms Rachel helps with. And you know, just talking about it, talking to moms who are going through the same thing and talking to moms who are like, oh my God, no, I totally went through that phase with my kid when they were that age and realizing my kid is not possessed by a demon and also realizing that like I'm not a crappy mom for wanting to scream at her because I want her to go and play outside. Like I said to her, I'm like I want you to go outside and be a kid. Be a kid, go outside and play. Like Daddy and I spent a lot of money to give you a really cool backyard to play with like go, and then my five year old. He doesn't want to go outside and play by himself because they'll be all alone and then he started to cry.

Katie Lynn:

So it was just. It was a mess the other day here, but managing all of these emotions while trying to manage my emotion, that is hard. And again, though, but that like ties into the ADHD also. So it's it. Everything comes from a circle, really, when you think about it.

Rachel Mae:

Don't you feel like to that? This kind of comes back to the piece of like not us not having. I know people talk about the village all the time and it's almost kind of like becoming like this platitude that people just talk about where you're like. Okay, it's like white noise hearing people talk about the village, the village, the village doesn't exist.

Rachel Mae:

But there is something like when I think about my mom, like my memories of my mom as a kid, meaning when I was a kid looking at my mom, she had her friends, were around with kids the same age and they were all kind of raising their kids together. She had, like her, her siblings who had kids around the same age and it almost felt like there was like this cohort. Like we were playing with our cousins, we were playing with my mom's friends, kids and we there was sort of this I don't know like it was like parenting together. They were parenting in community and it was like we knew my mom's friend, like I remember my mom's best friend, penny. We knew like what she said went to. It wasn't just like my mom if we were all somewhere.

Katie Lynn:

It was like what Penny said held weight to yeah, absolutely yes, you had like these other moms.

Rachel Mae:

Yeah, so it's like when you were feeling dysregulated or stressed out by all of that, it was like you had somebody else there in close proximity, like I know. For me that's something I've really struggled to anchor into in my own community and to find for myself, and I miss it. I've never experienced that on that level, but I feel like it's something that I miss and I'm like longing for and I know that's the experience of so many mommas and it's heartbreaking.

Katie Lynn:

So, like I was a latchkey kid, my mom worked three jobs at one point when I was growing up and so I came home first, like kindergarten, first grade to basically an empty house. Sometimes like my dad would be sleeping because when I was younger he was working overnight, but I would come home to an empty house and I had to fend for myself and like that's what I don't want from my kids, especially my daughter, and I see she's doing that, like she's just such a dominating force and I'm like, just be a kid, just be a kid. But like I did have, we had one other family. They were triplets. The kids were triplets. They were all obviously my age and their mom just took me in sometimes. You know, mrs Mobilio, and I just remember there were times where, like she, I would ride my bike to her house because that's like when it was safe to do that, like I didn't have to worry about super creepers. Yeah, you know, like you had the people who would like watch out for you in the four minute bike ride it took me to get to their house and I remember riding to they're my bike to their house one time after my dad and my mom. I don't even remember what they got on me about. But I went to the house and they went to Mrs Mobilio and I said I'm running away from home.

Katie Lynn:

I was like I don't know, in third grade I was like I'm running away from home, can I live with you? And she said, well, I already have three kids and they each will have their own bedrooms, so you would have to share a bedroom with one of them. And I said, can I sleep in the basement alone? And cause, like their basement was like a playroom and like like the rec room, cause, like you didn't have a playroom in the nineties, you had a record and she goes. Well, I mean I guess you could sleep on the couch.

Katie Lynn:

And I was like, okay, I was ready, I was ready to do that. And then she was like, well, wouldn't you like rather have your bed? Wouldn't you rather have your own room again. And after a while I was like, okay, all right, she's like you want me to call your mom and the child. I was like, no, I'll just ride my bike home. And she followed me in her car. She followed me in her car. She had one of those really cool vans that had, like the wood paneling and had the TV as I came down, you know, which went like with the ladder in the back, and she followed me in her van to make sure I actually did go home. And but I just I remember that where she, she was another parent I could go to who was in my corner, and just like she came to bat for me, but she also came to bat for my mom.

Rachel Mae:

Just another layer of support.

Katie Lynn:

That's it. And sometimes, like I, definitely I don't feel like I have that, because, number one, being a stay-at-home mom is isolating and some of my friends like my friends, I am the youngest to have a kid Like I'm the youngest one, so like I had my kids leader, like all of them have like 10, 11, 12 year olds, some of them are in high school and then, like the other side, I'm the first to have kids. So it's like it's this weird dynamic where I don't have that. Those people who are going through it with me, except for the new moms I've made friends with. But let me tell you, making mom friends is hard. I was like like when Harper started school, I was like I'm gonna have to talk to new people and I was like I'm gonna have to do that. Like hi, I made a human and you made a human and we had humans in like the same year. So we have to be friends to talk about this.

Rachel Mae:

And like there's something about it that's like it's like awkward dating Cause I've had that experience too, where you're like, even if you click with somebody, it's like who's gonna make the next move? Yes, like do I ask you, like I can think of a time at one of Wayland's like mommy and me groups that I was in there. There was a mom there who I really clicked with, like she and I had the same kind of sense of humor which is like the core thing for us. Like we have to have a similar sense of humor and I have to know that we can joke with each other or it's just not gonna work Like.

Katie Lynn:

I need you to know that we are gonna pick up my sarcasm that I'm putting down. I need you to know that, yes.

Rachel Mae:

And so there was this mom and we were like we were joking with each other and it was just like easy. But then every week I'd be like okay, and I talked to my husband about it and I'm like this feels so dorky, like why am I talking to you about this? Like I'm crushing on this other mom, like I'm gonna ask her if she wants to hang out outside of the mommy and me group.

Rachel Mae:

And then I would like lose the balls to do it and I wouldn't do it, I wouldn't ask her, I wouldn't give her my number, like neither one of us. It was obvious that we both were kind of like this back and forth and then neither one of us ever ended up exchanging numbers or taking things to the next level. And now, like that class has ended and I don't know how to track her down and I'm like Like she's in my area, she's a stay at home mom. We were vibing like why is it so nerve wracking? Why didn't you make that move? Yeah, and I can podcast and do this all day, but there's something about, like in real life, talking to somebody and having to like take things to the next level is so vulnerable and hard, like I don't think it's enough air time.

Rachel Mae:

Just how hard that is.

Katie Lynn:

No, it really is, because, like, even like Harper has like two best friends in school, so like I do have their mom's phone numbers, because they both happened to be in the basketball league together, so like that kind of like forced us to meet. But those two were already friends because, like their kids were in kindergarten together and Harper was in a different kindergarten class. So I was like I kind of felt like I was like being like pushed into this group and like they already had their dynamic and everything like that, and I was like am I infiltrating? Like am I allowed to come and talk to you? I was like, can I come and play?

Katie Lynn:

And now it's really fun where it's like we do have each other's phone numbers and when you're forced to make new parent friends, they go into your phone as so and so's like the parents first name and then so and so's mom, because that's their identifier is they are so and so's mom, which is like so silly Cause, it's like Wayland's mommy, can you come out and play with me please? It's like you have to ask permission, like we're still not friends on Facebook.

Rachel Mae:

This could be a reality TV show. That's pitch. Bravo, mom friend.

Katie Lynn:

Oh, my God. Andy come on, Andy.

Rachel Mae:

This is my ticket to make it big, the real mom friends.

Katie Lynn:

The real, real life, mom friends. None of this stuff where you know, like with the petty stuff or whatever behind it's like let's just show the awkward side of being mom friends. We're still not friends on Facebook. Like I'm not friends with these women on Facebook. They have Facebook because I see them in like community groups, but none of us have made that move and I will be damned if I am making that move.

Katie Lynn:

It's like awkward day it is. Technically, I made the first move by like inviting them to a Halloween party that we had, because Harper loves Halloween, like that's her Christmas basically, so she asks for a Halloween party every year. So that's just become our tradition now. Where she loves it, so we go big and she invited her whole class this year and these two moms happen to be in basketball around the same time as a Halloween party. So it was like a good segue for me to just kind of infiltrate this duo. And you know I really like them, I like their company, they're really awesome women. But again, like someone just hit me on Facebook, please, and which is such a like a sad litmus test of a friendship, I feel like it's like back in like my space with your top eight. Yeah, you know, it's like how good of friends are we? Are we Facebook, like can we be Facebook friends, or are we just like text message mom friends, like, where are we?

Rachel Mae:

Yeah, Are you keeping me at a distance or like am? I in your inner circle, exactly, oh my gosh. Well, it's mom life, man, it's mom life.

Katie Lynn:

It is mom life. That's it. That's what it all comes back to is mom life, and it sounds so ridiculous.

Rachel Mae:

But so true. Ok, Katie, tell us what it would be your perfect day.

Katie Lynn:

OK, did you ever see Jennifer Garner's like yesterday? She talks about it in an article and then Netflix made a movie about it. So, ok, jennifer Garner, she does something called yesterday, where once or twice a year she does not say no to her kids. And I mean that's really easy to say when you're a friggin' movie star and you have a bajillion dollars Great. But I would love to just be able to do a yes day with my kids, like I would love to be able to be financially stable enough where I can say think about stuff, because on Thursday you guys aren't going to school and it's going to be yes day.

Katie Lynn:

And my middle son is like I want Spider-Man. I can call up the local guy who plays Spider-Man in our area, who was amazing because we had him at his birthday party this year. I can be like, hey, spider-man, can you come over? Yes, and I can just be like, yes, here's Spider-Man. And if my daughter is like, mommy, can we go? I don't know, she's really into makeup lately, so, mommy, can we go to Sephora so I can buy all the makeup? Yes, yes, I will drop an ungodly amount of money on makeup for my seven-year-old at Sephora. Yes, yes day. I love it.

Katie Lynn:

You have to watch the movie on Netflix because the movie is really great, ok, and it really just shows this dynamic because she has kids of all different ages, like her oldest is a teenager and then her middle one is, I think he's like junior high and then her youngest is, I think, in kindergarten or first grade, and it's just so relatable where it's a way of still being a parent but just losing that control. Yeah, just a little bit, where you can still be a parent and you can still have fun and bond with your kids and just go crazy and the husband goes with her on it and everything, and they have a yes day and it is just so much fun to see what these kids genuinely want from their parents and really, when it comes down to it, it's just time they want time with you.

Rachel Mae:

Yeah, and I love that. This makes me think of did you ever watch Parks and Rec? It's like the treat yourself day, exactly, only like kids edition. It's a yes day.

Katie Lynn:

It's treat yourself. That's exactly what it is it's treat your kids. I'm here for it. I highly recommend the movie because it's really great. But if you ever catch some of Jennifer Garner's interviews about when she talks, about when she does the yes day it's something I feel like. It's just like a very empowering thing as a parent where it's like not having to say no to your kids. Yeah, and that's something that would be a perfect day for me. Another version of a perfect day for literally just me give me a really nice hotel room with blackout curtains and sound counts like canceling headphones and sleep.

Rachel Mae:

Moms everywhere are raising their hand. Yes, sign me up, let me like drift in and out of sleep and then like watch some trashy TV and go back like sleep been just yeah, that's it like where.

Katie Lynn:

It's like, just you know, because it's not like you know. I love my kids more than life itself and I I devote literally every single minute to it. But my youngest has been the one who does not sleep through the night. Even still, he still looks for that bottle in the middle of the night and I'm like I could really use a full night. You could use that room. I could just use that that night, just one night, I know. I feel like that would just make me feel refreshed. So that would be, that would be like my perfect day.

Rachel Mae:

Nice, okay, tell me what it's, your power song. I don't have like just one power.

Katie Lynn:

You have a power playlist I do, I do, and it's really like those songs that are kind of like those core memory songs, like I know you're a musician so I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about where it's like you hear a song and you are instantly transported back to a certain time, moment, whatever. Like yesterday, boys of summer came on in my car, on my, on my spotify by the Atari's not the original one but by not by Don Henley but by the Atari's and I was immediately Back in my truck that I had in high school, like driving down ocean parkway, but I was actually just like still in my minivan in the drive-thru line for mcdonald's. But it's like those, it's like those kind of songs. So, like my, my big ones are bohemian rhapsody by clean.

Katie Lynn:

Yes obviously, uh, don't stop believing by journey. Greatest game by boys, like girls, Fat lip by some 41, because there is something about sitting in your minivan and just being like storming through the party. Like my name is El Nino, like I don't know what it is that it does to me, and then, like my five-year-old fox, he's like mommy, it's too loud, and I'm like no, pretty much like any peppy kelly clarkson song because she is amazing and I love her, and, of course, pretty much anything by Lizzo because I love Lizzo. But like anything like that, like anything that will give me that moment and where I can go back to a time, for whatever reason it like. It's those songs that like they pump me up and A lot of them are on, like my adhd cleaning list, like my like I'll pump my earphone, like my earbuds in and just like rage clean and it's that stuff playing in my ears and it's usually at like three o'clock in the morning and I'm hyped up on like coffee Stuff, like that.

Katie Lynn:

Like those kind of songs, like I don't just have like one specific power song that's going to get in the mood. It's hard to choose just one. It really is, especially because, like, my taste in music is like it's so widespread.

Rachel Mae:

Love it. Okay, what's your? Do you have a mantra or like a motto, something that you say to yourself all the time, on repeat?

Katie Lynn:

This is going to sound really mean, probably, but not my kid, not my problem, and my kids will tell you that they'll be like you know, um, mommy, you know Like JoJo's mommy does, and okay, is JoJo mommy's kid? No, and what does mommy always say? Not your kid, not your problem, unless they're in danger. Yes, that's exactly it. Not my kid, not my problem. Like, you want to give your kid whatever you want to give them, that's fine, that's your kid, you do it. The only thing I would ever like interject in or give my unsolicited advice about is car seat safety, and that's it. Um, because that's like one thing where I'm like, yeah, no, that's like a legitimate safety issue. Um, and then the other thing is my worth is not measured by my productivity. Yeah, amen, it is okay to take that time to rest. Like there are times where, like I wake up and I'm feeling good, like my adhd meds are really working for me that day and I really want to get this whole list done, and after I drop the kids off, the baby just wants to snuggle, and that's okay too. Yeah, so like that's something where I feel like, particularly stay at home, moms, shuggle with where it's. Your worth is not measured by your productivity.

Katie Lynn:

Like, I'm very lucky where, like, my husband is not expecting dinner on the table every time he comes home from. You know there are sometimes, from like he comes home, he's like what's what was for dinner? I was like, um, they're chicken nuggets and french fries in the oven. Like, have at it, go ahead. Um, sometimes it's like I got the kids happy meals, so you are on your own. I don't have a husband who is expecting to come home to like this clean, pristine house, because he knows that's not who I am and he knows that, like, my time is dedicated to the kids and he knows that if the baby does not nap sometimes other than on just me, it ain't getting done. So, um, that is just something, though that, like, I do have to tell myself a lot. I even have it as a magnet on my refrigerator to remind me that it's okay, you don't have to be a hashtag, boss babe, you don't have to be like, you know, like boss mom.

Rachel Mae:

Yeah, you and what you just described, that is, being a boss, like that's going where the day needs you to go and being okay with it not being as you anticipated, because that I feel like that's mother, like we can't anticipate. I found, like, the more I try to say like okay, these are the things I'm gonna get done, and well, why it is napping. It's like if I anticipate that I'm just setting myself up to be bummed out when he inevitably Either doesn't nap or takes like a 10 minute nap. And then I'm like, yeah, myself getting frustrated at him and it's like it's not his fault that I set these unrealistic expectations for myself For what I could achieve during nap time. Like, exactly, it's okay to just make sure that everyone is fed and safe and okay for the day, including you, that's it.

Katie Lynn:

It's okay to just be. It is okay to just be, and especially where it's like there, when there are the days where, like, the baby will not nap except for like on me. He clearly needs me and he is my priority. He is why I am a stay-at-home mom. I'm not a stay-at-home mom to make sure all the laundry is done to, you know, make sure, like, the table is always clear, um, make sure, you know, all the doom piles are taken care of, but I'm a stay-at-home mom because of him. Yeah, so he is my priority and that is one of those things where it's like, if all I did that day was get the baby to nap and snuggle him, that's a mom win, amen. So those are my two, uh, my two mottos.

Rachel Mae:

Those are good ones. What is your go-to indulgence?

Katie Lynn:

Sitting alone in my car in my driveway.

Rachel Mae:

With a cup of coffee.

Katie Lynn:

Yes, Especially like on the days that my husband has off because his work schedule recently changed, so now he had like a two dedicated days off. So those are my days where I will be like all right, I'm just gonna run out and do this really quickly. Yeah, the errand itself is really quick, but I'm out in the driveway scrolling around on tiktok drinking my coffee, I'm just sitting in my car. It's the mom sanctuary, that's it. And I've always done that, like I will legitimately say I have always done stuff like that, even Like when I first got my license and and I had my own car, I would get out of school and sit in my car and just Decompressed. Yeah, it's that quiet time alone in my car. That is like my big Indulgence, because I don't always get that so good.

Rachel Mae:

Oh, my god. Okay, katie, you and I have gone like way over time. I know like talk to you all day long, I know. I mean I could talk all the time. We didn't get to. Let's see one, two, three, four, five, six. There's still six questions and I'm dying to know your answers, so will you please come back on and share these answers with me. Of course I'll just make it a two-parter.

Katie Lynn:

Well, let's just make it a two-parter. It works. That's usually like the story of my life I'm always a cliffhanger.

Rachel Mae:

I'm a fan for a two-part series. I like that. You're worthy of a series in my book, katie. So, okay, that's it for today's episode. But if you're loving this series and you want to join me for a mom conversation, follow the link in the show description to submit the guest form and let's chat, and if you want to continue the conversation with me over on instagram, I'd love to connect with you there. You can find me at mama's cup of ambition.

Rachel Mae:

I want to extend a special thanks to today's guest for bringing the energy and the good vibes to this podcast party, and a great big, heartfelt thanks to you as well. This show exists because you tune in and I really can't tell you how much your support means to me. And, last but not least, if you got something out of today's episode, it would mean so much to me if you would take a moment to leave the show a rating and review. Or, if reviews aren't really your thing, consider sharing the show with a friend who you think might take value from it. Those are both great ways to support the podcast and keep it going and growing. Plus, it just seriously fills my cup. So thank you, okay, so until next time, make your dreams be ambitious, and may your coffee be strong. I'll talk to you soon.

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