Mama's Cup of Ambition

Trusting Your Intuition & Recognizing Signs: A Park Bench Conversation

• Rachel Mae • Season 2 • Episode 64

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In today's park podcast episode I'm sharing a personal story that really challenged me to trust my intuition. We'll explore the power of gut instincts and delve into the importance of recognizing signs and making decisions based on our inner wisdom. 

Whether it's standing up for ourselves in challenging situations or making tough career choices, this episode is all about the importance of trusting your intuition.

Have you been dreaming of starting a podcast but have no idea where to start?  Ditch your podcasting paralysis with my FREE podcast checklist for aspiring mama podcasters.  





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May your dreams be ambitious and may your coffee be strong! xoxo -Rachel Mae

Rachel Mae:

Hey, I'm Rachel Mae, Country Singer, songwriter and host of Mamas Cup of Ambition, the podcast for ambitious mamas with BIG dreams and little kids. Or maybe your kids aren't so little anymore, but your dreams are still just as big as ever. Wherever you find yourself in your motherhood journey, if you've got ambitious goals that you're longing to achieve and you're looking to spark inspiration, cultivate motivation and develop community with like-minded mamas, you're in the right place. As a new mama myself, I created this show as a place for honest and empowering conversations about motherhood, entrepreneurship and dream chasing. So grab a notebook, top off that cup of coffee and let's turn our goals into action plans and our dreams into reality together. Now let's jump into today's episode. Hello, hello and welcome to another episode of Mamas Cup of Ambition.

Rachel Mae:

I am here today with another park bench conversation for you. I heard from so many of you after the last one that I decided to just give it another spin. So maybe this will be like a summer series of mini episodes, although I don't know how mini this one is going to be, because, Lord knows, I have a lot to say today. But I know this time of year gets kind of busy for everyone. We're all running around and doing all the things and trying to keep up with our kiddos. So maybe these shorter episodes will just sort of fill your cup with a little something-something and we'll just keep it moving right along. But today I wanted to talk a bit about signs and trusting your intuition, and I wanted to share something with you that happened for me this time last year. That really served as a big reminder for me that sometimes things fall apart to come together in a more aligned way, and it's so important to trust your gut when you're feeling like something just doesn't feel right. And side note here hopefully this crow isn't going to be super obnoxious during this recording, because there's a crow right here by me chiming in and I don't know how loud that's going to be, but if I can edit it out I will sure try.

Rachel Mae:

So anyway, you probably already know that I'm a stay-at-home mama, but before I had my kids I had a bit of like a dual career going, and by that I just mean that I split my time between my music career and my career working with dogs and I know that may sound a bit strange because they're like two completely different fields of work, but they actually played really well together. So for over two decades I worked with dogs, mostly in the dog daycare arena, and I managed facilities and served as like a consultant to owners during that time. But throughout my entire career with dogs, I was also like simultaneously building a career as a singer-songwriter and I've often joked that like. I've written about 80% of my songs in the company of dogs and I've scooped a lot of dog poop over the years to get my beautiful Gibson guitar. Pretty classy huh? Basically, my work with dogs paid the bills and funded a lot of my musical endeavors. And because music and dogs are two of my favorite things in the world, it always felt really aligned for me and it's kind of been like the best of both worlds for me.

Rachel Mae:

And by the time I got pregnant with Waylon in 2019, I was running my own small-scale dog daycare and boarding business and that thing took off way faster than I expected it would. But ultimately I decided to close up shop on that business when Waylon was born because, well, for one thing, I was a one-woman show in that business and trying to run an operation like that with a new baby at home just really wasn't in the cards. But also, 2020 happened and people were staying home. No one was really traveling anymore, they were working from home, so like a huge portion of my business just kind of dropped off anyway. So it was just kind of the perfect time for a pivot, and Gabe and I ultimately decided to transition into a single income family and I transitioned into my role as a stay-at-home mama. And I won't say that that transition didn't come with some challenges, because it definitely did, but it was also really special to be home with my baby, you know.

Rachel Mae:

So then in 2022, when my son Wyatt was born, I was still at home with the boys and at about four months postpartum I ended up getting a job offer and it was a management and training position for this new dog daycare facility that was opening up in the area, and at first it seemed like a really great opportunity and, to be honest, I was excited by the prospect of going back to work and being able to sort of operate in one of my areas of expertise again. But I also had a lot of really strong conflicting emotions and feelings about, I don't know, re-entering the workforce, because it was a really big decision and a big transition not to be at home with my kids. And it was interesting because, like, when I talked to my therapist about it, she was saying how there can be something really satisfying about having the opportunity to work in your area of mastery as a mom, because as parents it's really hard to experience that feeling of mastery on a regular basis. Right, because parenting is always changing and you always just have to be adapting and changing with it. Like every kid is different and they go through all these different developmental milestones and stages and you do as well as a parent, so you never really feel like you're mastering your job or role as mama, so to speak. So basically, she was just saying that, like, sometimes it's nice to have a change of pace and have something in your life where you feel like you're able to tap into your zone of genius and that it can actually serve your mental health really well if a position allows you to do that and is a good match for you.

Rachel Mae:

So on paper, initially this seemed like that exact thing and I decided, you know, it couldn't hurt to at least explore the opportunity and just kind of see what was on the table and how I felt about it, and so that's exactly what I did. So I went through a series of like initial virtual interviews with the company and eventually I had an in-person interview where they presented me with an official job offer. But after that in-person interview where we really talked a lot more in depth about the position and what the needs of the company were and what they were going to be expecting from me, something just didn't feel right and I kind of got the sense that they had good intentions, like of what they were trying to create, but didn't really grasp just how much it was going to take to pull it off. So just for a little context here, the owners had a lot of unrelated business experience, but they were really lacking when it came to industry experience with dogs and like. You can absolutely learn and make that work in those conditions with the right support. But I've also been doing this long enough to know that there really has to be a solid foundation and a game plan in place that prioritizes the safety and well-being of the dogs and the staff.

Rachel Mae:

And when those things aren't solidly in place and the owners don't have a commitment to prioritizing those things, you can end up with a lot of turnover and as a result there will be a lot more demand on the existing staff, and I've definitely experienced that firsthand early on in my career and just had no interest in going back into that territory, especially now as a mama, because the stakes were just so much higher. I would be missing time with my babies for this job and I just wasn't willing to. Oh gosh, what in the heck is that? Sorry, I just had a strange looking bug land on my arm, but it just wasn't. This is what you get during a park podcast. I just wasn't willing to make the sacrifice of missing time with my kids if the owners didn't care enough to make it work. Does that make sense?

Rachel Mae:

Anyway, so during the in-person interview, I asked a lot of questions and I started to realize that there were actually a lot of red flags. But then there was this contrast, because I could tell that they were so excited about what I could bring to the table and they were being really flattering and, I'll be honest, it felt good, like it felt good to have something valuable to offer and to feel needed. So I was trying to just kind of ignore the red flags that I saw, but no matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right. So I told them I'd need a little bit more time to consider the job offer and to talk it over with my family, and that I would get back to them with an answer within the next 48 hours. So this was it was. I think it was like a Thursday or a Friday afternoon when I had this interview.

Rachel Mae:

Anyway, I remember when I got home just feeling so heavy and that should have been really telling too, because it's not like it was a bad interview or anything Something just didn't feel aligned. But I was ignoring my gut instinct and blaming my emotional response on hormones, and sure that may have been contributing to what I was feeling on some level. But there was definitely more at play and this was a really big decision for me and my family because the plan was that if I accepted this position, gabe was going to step down from his nine to five job with Habitat for Humanity and he would stay home with the boys, because full time childcare for two kiddos is freaking expensive and one of us would have just essentially been working to pay for childcare. So it just didn't make sense. So there were just a lot of extensive conversations happening between Gabe and I, talking through like the pros and cons and all of the logistics of this thing.

Rachel Mae:

So I took the weekend to kind of mull over the offer and when I was meditating and praying over the decision, I decided to ask for a sign. And I know this may sound woo-woo, but if you know me, this won't surprise you at all. So I asked specifically to be shown a sign if I should turn the job down. And the sign I asked for was kind of random, but it was a bear and a hat and it was just the first thing that came to mind. Like I don't know why, a bear and a hat. There's no symbolism or significance to that for me. That just was the first thing that came to mind. So I was like, okay, a bear and a hat, it is. So that's what I went with. And then I just went about my business Like I didn't tell anyone.

Rachel Mae:

I didn't say anything until the next night when Gabe and I were on the couch and we were fixing to watch some Netflix while the baby slept, and I told Gabe that I had made this intention about asking for a sign and I told him what I asked for. We talked about it for a few minutes and talked about the job and I told him how I just couldn't shake this feeling that it looked good on paper, but something just seemed off. And I'm telling you, no sooner did we wrap up our conversation and turn on the TV and their filling screen was a bear and a hat Paddington bear to be exact and Gabe and I both just kind of looked at each other and were like Nah, that's just a weird coincidence, right, like no way. So whatever, we went about our night like we watched our show, we didn't really give it much thought and we just had a good laugh over it and that was that. And then the next day we went to the zoo with the kids and we were walking around and talking and we ended up directly in front of a bear totem pole and, wouldn't you know it, the bear was wearing a hat. And again, I tried to just brush this off as coincidence, but this time it felt a little harder to ignore, especially since we've been to that zoo dozens of times and I have never once seen this totem pole before. So then, on the way home, I saw this like sandwich board sign in front of a shop with a bear and a hat, and all of a sudden I was seeing bears and hats everywhere. Like a ridiculous number of bears and hats, okay, and that's a weird thing to see, like it's not a very common thing. So I mean it was to the extent that I couldn't ignore it or just chalk it up to coincidence anymore.

Rachel Mae:

And the more this started to unfold, the more uneasy I started to feel about the job offer, because I already felt like something was off. Then I asked for this very specific sign if I shouldn't take the gig, and it was literally hitting me like a hail storm of bears and hats. So I started looking for answers outside of myself, you know, like I was asking everyone around me what I should do, just kind of hoping that they could say something or point me in a direction that would give me peace of mind and sort of give me permission to say yes, when my intuition was saying very clearly that I needed to say no to this job. But no one could give me that guidance that I needed. Right, because I was being called to listen and trust my own inner knowing. And I just recently heard someone say that sometimes people ask for advice when they already know the answer but wish they didn't, and that really struck a chord with me because that was exactly what I was doing in this situation, like I wanted someone else to give me permission and tell me that it would be okay to go against my gut feeling, because deep down I knew that that wasn't the right move.

Rachel Mae:

So I meditated on it again and I decided I was going to turn the job down. So I wrote a thoughtful email and I sent it off and I figured that was going to be the end of the story. But instead what happened was they wrote an email in response pleading for me to hop onto a call with them so that they could try to change my mind. And I did convince that I wouldn't be moved. But again, when we got on the call, like they turned on the flattery flooding me with kind words. And then they upped the ante by offering me a 30% salary hike with the ability to earn additional stipends for training. They were offering me a four day work week that would have had me home in time for dinner with my family and because I was still nursing Wyatt at the time, they laid out the plans they had to create this like nice space for me to pump, and private I mean they basically made me an offer that I really couldn't refuse. So I talked to Gabe about it and then I reluctantly accepted the position and that really set the wheels in motion.

Rachel Mae:

Like Gabe gave his two weeks notice and then for the next month and a half I worked for this company doing literally whatever they asked of me, like they were still under construction. So I was in their cleaning, painting, building stuff, unpacking retail and setting it up, more cleaning, training new staff on dog body language and group dynamics, helping the owners to establish workflows and the day to day operations. I mean I was like seriously all in and I didn't hold anything back and all along things just still felt off and I kept just trying to like fake my way into feeling great about this job. But the truth is I just didn't. And, by the way, throughout this whole time your girl was having to pump in the one bathroom in the facility that had a broken lock, which meant that I was constantly getting walked in on by construction workers. Fun times and I'll give them a little bit of grace here because they were under construction. So like that space that they promised me for pumping, that might have come later, but that just wasn't the reality in the time that I worked there. So whatever, and then you know, at home we were all feeling the transition. I mean, gabe was doing a great job as stay at home dad, but it was definitely a big shift for our entire family.

Rachel Mae:

So at some point the owners of this business just decided they were so anxious to get the doors open that they decided to have opening day and start accepting dogs into the facility while things were still under construction, like at this point, they didn't even have a way to safely separate the dogs in the place yet. Like they really they just weren't in a position to open and, quite honestly, like the place was still a mess, they had a lot of work to do before they really should have been opening their doors. But when they asked what I thought about the opening day being pushed forward and if they were ready, I gave my honest opinion and they just immediately dismissed it. So, whatever, like it's your business, you got to do what you got to do, right. So on opening day, I was the first one there at 6 30 in the morning, ready to do the dang thing, and I spent the morning putting fires out and playing air traffic controller and I'm just going to say it.

Rachel Mae:

It was a damn mess, okay, and there was some seriously careless and dangerous behavior from the owners that made me and the rest of the staff really uncomfortable. Like people were already talking the staff was already talking amongst themselves about how dangerous some of the things were, and Like we're talking, if people knew what was taking place, no one would have been dropping their dogs off there, okay, and that just really didn't sit well with me, because I think it's a huge responsibility to take someone else's dog into your care and you need to honor that privilege. And the thing is like I can't change the way that folks run their businesses. Like I just can't, but I can choose not to be a part of something that runs counter to my core values, and that's what I felt was happening here. So I spoke up and it seemed like it was received well, or so I thought, and I thought, okay, well, that's that, so still giving them the benefit of the doubt.

Rachel Mae:

My shift wrapped up and I left for the day, but the whole drive home I just had this sinking feeling Like you know, the kind where you realize that you made a huge mistake, hitching your way again to this particular caravan. But you're like too deep to just peace out. That was. That was the weight of what I was feeling on this drive home. Like it was an awful feeling and I just I remember breaking down and crying for my entire commute home. And when I got home and I told Gabe about the day, he was so supportive and understanding and just sort of reassured me that it would all be okay and, if I needed to step down from this position, that we would just figure it out.

Rachel Mae:

So, fast forward to the next day. Hang on, let's wait for this plane to go overhead, because this little mic that I have, my little portable mic, it does a really good job of picking everything up. So I don't know how loud this is going to be, but we'll just let this plane make its way past us here in the park. Okay, we're probably good now. So anyway, fast forward to the next day.

Rachel Mae:

I had an appointment to get some eyelash extensions on and I had been looking forward to this appointment for weeks. I was, like you know, my mornings are starting so early. It'd be really nice to have like the luxury of the sort of wake up and go that eyelash extensions provide. Big fan of the eyelash extensions, if you're not picking up on that. So, yeah, I'm in the lobby of this lash lounge waiting for my appointment to start and I decided to check my email, which turned out to be a big mistake, because there in my inbox was an email from the owners of the company and it was several paragraphs long, and I read the first paragraph, which clearly gave away that I was being fired. And then, before I could finish reading the rest of the email, my lash girl, who I had never met before, came and like cheerfully greeted me for my appointment. And if you've ever had a full set of lash extensions done, then you know you're laying there for about two hours and this was my first time with this lash artist. So it wasn't like I knew her and felt comfortable sharing this shocking news that I had just partially received myself, like I was still trying to wrap my head around what just hit me like a freaking freight train. So for two hours I was there with my eyes closed, having lashes applied, and just mentally going over what I thought the rest of those paragraphs in that email said and feeling just a whole spectrum of emotions, trying to hold back tears as this like sweet lash artist applied one lash at a time to my eyes and what felt like the longest lash application ever.

Rachel Mae:

It was just a weird position to be in, because in my entire working career I have never once been fired from a job, like I'm always the girl who helps to find my replacement and help hire them and train them so that they're ready to take over my position before I leave. So this really did feel like a shock to the system, like it felt like being broken up with when you know damn well you should be the one to end the relationship. And the icing on this, like job breakup cake, was that, when I read the rest of the email, the reason that they gave me for being fired was and I quote due to my safety concerns. So, quite frankly, it was a good thing that I didn't invest more time and energy into this company, because they showed me their true colors early on. But that doesn't mean that it didn't still sting. I mean I shouldn't have been surprised, given all of the intuitive hits I was receiving, that this wasn't the right fit for me and it was very clear that the universe was forcing my hand. But still, I felt rejected and really hurt by the owner's decision to not only fire me but to fire me over email and to not even give me the courtesy of like a face-to-face conversation. It just felt really shitty Excuse my French, but it did. And even though I knew that gay would be so supportive and just as shocked as I was, I still wasn't looking forward to telling him the news.

Rachel Mae:

When I got home from my lash appointment, like, oh hey, you know how you just quit your job so that I could take this position. Well, now I've been fired and surprised Neither one of us have jobs now and we've got two little kids to provide for, but my eyelashes look good. Right, babe, it just sucked. It was just a horrible situation, one that could have been avoided had I just listened to my instincts and stood my ground and turned the job down. To begin with, like I should have just stuck with my initial decision to turn the job down, but oh no, and then the next level of shame that I was feeling with this whole situation was having to tell our family members, like Gabe's family and my family oh hey, I got fired from that job that I just told y'all about. For me just knowing how worried everyone would be and feeling the weight of that really sucked. It really freaking sucked. I felt like the world's biggest failure and I felt like I had just made this horrible decision that put my family in a really awful position.

Rachel Mae:

But I just had to sit with it. I had to sit with all of the discomfort and try my best to learn from it and to be open to where the universe was clearly trying to redirect me. You know, like they say, you have to feel it to heal it. And that was exactly what was happening in this situation. I couldn't avoid all of the things that I was feeling. I just had to sit with them. And you know, we hear all the time that rejection is actually protection and sometimes, when you're on the wrong path and you're not listening to the nudges that you're getting from the universe to course correct, you can't be surprised if you end up getting forced to change lanes.

Rachel Mae:

And that's exactly what happened to me and it sucked as it was happening. It felt like a dumpster fire and everything felt like it was falling apart and I was dealing with that cocktail of emotions. You know, like on some level I was relieved because I knew the job wasn't right, but I was angry that I had been fired for the first time in my life because I spoke up about unsafe working conditions. I was disappointed in myself for not listening to my intuition when it was screaming at me to pay attention to the red flags. I was embarrassed. I mean, gabe left his freaking job to swap roles with me and to stay home with the boys so that I could step into this new position and we told our families and our close friends that we were making this big swap like it was a big deal. So having to tell everyone that I had been fired felt freaking, humiliating because even though if given the chance to do it all over again, I would still absolutely vocalize the safety concerns, it still felt really awful to have to tell folks that I had been fired Like I actually hadn't done anything wrong, but it really felt like I had.

Rachel Mae:

And I was scared because in the blink of an eye we went from having a cushy stream of income to zero income and I was terrified that I had just created this situation that was really going to negatively impact my family. So when I tell you there was a cocktail of emotions, I mean it. But after I gave myself some time to just sort of like move through all the different things I was feeling, I found that I was left with this like massive sense of relief and trust, like I know that Gabe and I always land on our feet when we feel like we're in a free fall and I know that things are always working out for me right, like things happen for me, not to me, and things always work out Like they say. Sometimes they have to fall apart to come together. And, even though it's hard to admit it, I knew that job didn't feel right and I ignored my intuition and it backfired.

Rachel Mae:

But the debacle really served as like a massive, important lesson for me to trust myself and to listen to my gut. So I can honestly say that a year out from this whole thing, I feel truly grateful for that entire experience and for the redirection that I ultimately got, because I mean, if that job had worked out, I probably wouldn't have started this podcast back up again and I think I really would have regretted pouring all of my energy into growing someone else's business again instead of pouring my energy into building my own business, which is truly what I desire when we get right down to it, right? So I guess I really just wanted to share this with you as a reminder, or to pass this lesson on to you that if your intuition is trying to get your attention, tune in and trust yourself. I know it can be really hard sometimes to decipher between fear and resistance and our intuition trying to redirect us, and I wish that I had some. Like you know, I love a framework. I wish I had some like five step framework that I could offer to help make the process easier.

Rachel Mae:

But the truth is, we don't need someone else to tell us what we already know, and if you listen closely, your intuition will not steer you wrong.

Rachel Mae:

Like we all have this inner knowing that serves as a compass to point us in the right direction.

Rachel Mae:

We just have to trust the guidance and believe in our ability to chart a course that we're meant to travel. So, anyway, I hope that this little trip down memory lane here in the park with me was entertaining at least, or encouraging or both, and if you have ever ignored your intuition and had it backfire and had to push yourself back into alignment, I would love to hear about it. We can continue the conversation over on Instagram, you can find me at Mama's Cup of Ambition and, I'll be honest, I'm a little quiet over there right now because it's summertime and I'm really trying to practice what I preach and lean into a spirit of play with my family and soak up this summertime while I can. But still I'd love to connect with you over there and continue the conversation. So until next time, may your dreams be ambitious, may your coffee be strong, and may we all be tuned into our intuition and the signs trying to point us in the right direction. I'll talk to you soon.

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